I don’t miss you

I don’t miss you

I miss things about you, about you with me

I miss little things that made us “us”

the simple things that made me feel part of a couple

that made me smile, feel warm, safe, loved

one night a week

but for that one night I was a part of something that was just mine, just for me – no kids, family, or friends that needed my attention

just you and me

I was a girlfriend – wrapped in a cocoon, a world of our own – for one night each week

I miss seeing you in your front door, waiting for me to walk up, that first kiss that would last for what felt like forever, would make my heart swell and my pulse race

grinning, your dreamy blue eyes almost glittering in the late afternoon sun, you’d ask “shall we take this inside?”

I miss snuggling on the couch, listening to Fleetwood Mac, making-out like teenagers but with better moves. Slow, tender kisses, fingers tracing my neck

sensual, lingering, no reason to rush…taking our time, exploring and discovering each other

time standing still

I miss dinner at your small kitchen table, sharing takeout or your homemade lasagna, having conversations about family, friends, work, life in general. Real conversations, real opinions, about our real lives outside of our cozy bubble

I felt heard, appreciated, important…connected

I miss walking upstairs to your bedroom, the feel of your hands slowly undressing me before we’d make love for hours, never the same way twice

I miss pillow talk, the way you could make me laugh while we lay there naked wrapped around each other, so comfortable and easy as if we had spent a lifetime this way

I miss wrapping myself up in your oversized robe, with bedhead and a smile, while we shared a dessert on the couch snuggled together

pulled in tight, close…connected

then going back to bed, like an old married couple, but with a libido like teenagers…our chemistry like never ending electricity between us

I miss feeling the warmth of your skin on mine, the weight of your body up against me, while we slept…my leg draped over yours, your arm around my waist, your chest rising and falling with each breath creating a rhythm for us both

reaching out for one another in the middle of the night, to keep skin on skin, just to be touching

I miss waking up next to you, before the alarm, making love once more before our day began. Showers, coffee and a bagel that you’d prepare for us at your small kitchen table while we talked about our day ahead, our plans for the week

one last lingering kiss at the door, then back to the world at large, my travel mug and my heart full for another week

I miss all of it

but I don’t miss you